Grace

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 1 Peter 4:8

I’ve been heart dwelling on this verse. It is a beautiful verse, yet I wonder how many really live it? I know from personal experience that someone can say they love you but when life happens this verse meant nothing. I am struggling with how someone lives “Christ like” yet reserves the right to choose whom they give Grace to.

One of my devotionals was on loving deeply versus keeping “score”. It really made me dwell on how people love each other. Some keep score of mistakes and wrong-doings and others allow love to cover those and they keep loving. How do you love?

Score cards: Throughout our time together, Mrs. Barnett mentioned family members and friends who’d disappointed her, who had not lived up to her expectations and who had not given her the love she “deserved.” The more I listened, the clearer the picture became in my mind.
I envisioned Mrs. Barnett with a stack of scorecards. At the top of each card was a name: a child, a friend, a pastor, a partner, and yes, even one with my name printed across the top. If someone did this, they got 1 point. If they did xyz, they got 1 point. If they gave her a hug without being asked, they got 1 point. If they told her she looked pretty, they got 2 points.
However, if they didn’t show the proper display of affection, they lost 5 points. If they hurt her, they lost 5 points. Didn’t do something she expected? Another 5 points gone. All actions tallied on mental scorecards.
I shook my head to clear my mind and tried to pay attention to our conversation. After all, I didn’t want to get a bad mark on my scorecard.
That day I realized a valuable life lesson. As long as this woman keeps mental scorecards on the people in her life, she is going to be miserable. And if you or I keep scorecards for the people in our lives, we’ll be miserable as well.
First Corinthians 13 says, “Love is patient, love is kind … it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:4a, 5b). Love is about giving — not necessarily money or gifts — but love. Love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs or perceived offenses. It doesn’t involve scorecards of plusses and minuses. It does not keep a running list of kindnesses to reward those who come out on top (and shun those who do not).
Self-centeredness says, “What has that person done for me lately?” Love says, “What can I do for that person today?”
Self-centeredness makes mental lists of how others have disappointed them. Love makes mental lists of ways they can bless others.

I am very grateful God doesn’t love you or I the way that some people love – with a score card. Can you imagine if he did?

How do you love?

I saw a church billboard that stated “He’s checking his list twice too.” ~ God

It made me smile. Isn’t it amazing to know that God checks his list over and over (way more than twice) to make sure your name is written down in the book of life. He wants all his kids to be with him in their Heavenly home. The most important gift you can give and get this year is to make sure you know where you are going after this life is over.

My heart carries a missing…it will until the day I check into my Heavenly residence. But you know what? The most beautiful thing is that missing will come to an end on that day when those I miss will be standing beside me. I pray you are one of them.

This year I decided to do a pay it forward advent calendar – something nice for someone else once a day.  It could be buy someone a cup of coffee,  pay for the person’s meal behind you, cat care sit for someone, send someone flowers, send a note, leave money tapped to a vending machine for the next person.  Whatever it is – it doesn’t have to cost a lot but the thought of giving is there. It has been enjoyable and a blessing to me and I hope to others. 

I challenge you today to go out of your way and do something nice for someone you wouldn’t normally encounter or someone God has placed on your heart to touch. 

Christmas is the most beautiful time of year. It is a gift that cannot be measured, for it is the birth of a baby who came to give us all eternal salvation if we just accept the gift. 

May this Christmas bring you love, joy, light and a hand to hold. 

Turn me like a waterwheel turning a millstone.
Plenty of water, a Living River.
Keep me in one place and scatter the love.
Leaf-moves in wind, straw drawn toward amber,
all parts of the world are in love,
but they do not tell their secrets. Cows grazing
on a sacramental table, ants whispering in Solomon’s ear.
Mountains mumbling an echo. Sky, calm.
If the sun were not in love, he would have no brightness,
the side of the hill no grass on it.
The ocean would come to rest somewhere.

Be a lover as they are, that you come to know
you Beloved. Be faithful that you may know
Faith. The other parts of the universe did not accept
the next responsibility of love as you can.
They were afraid they might make a mistake
with it, the inspired knowing
that springs from being in love

Once upon a time
there was a handsome honeybee,
who fell in love with a butterfly
he met in a tulip tree.
He said “I love you madly
and want to share your life.
We can fly away together –
will you be my wife?”
She hung her head in sorrow –
“No! No! No! cried she.
For I am a Monarch’s daughter,
And you’re a son of a bee!”

Your fingers on my skin
Like lighting bolts that break the sky
Cracking clouds
With a dramatic thunderous shout
As wet rain comes out
And kisses my lips

THE AWAKENING

In the early dawn of happiness
you gave me three kisses
so that I would wake up
to this moment of love

I tried to remember in my heart
what I’d dreamt about
during the night
before I became aware 
of this moving 
of life

I found my dreams 
but the moon took me away
It lifted me up to the firmament
and suspended me there
I saw how my heart had fallen
on your path
singing a song

Between my love and my heart
things were happening which
slowly slowly 
made me recall everything

You amuse me with your touch
although I can’t see your hands.
You have kissed me with tenderness
although I haven’t seen your lips
You are.

The buttocks are the most aesthetically pleasing part of the body because they are non-functional. Although they conceal an essential orifice, these pointless globes are as near as the human form can ever come to abstract art. ~Kenneth Tynan

It is hard to figure out why some people are the way they are.  I have asked myself over and over at times why does this person behave this way when others do not. I am also grateful that I don’t always understand the reasons why. It is as if sometimes I hear God saying….I am enough – they can’t be anyway except the way they choose to be.  Yet I believe strongly in passionate, complete, committed and a giving type of love…one that sets life on fire.  I still believe in that.

Whatever we see in the world, that is us, too. Cultivate a willingness to compassionately drop down into the zero center of someone else’s imperfection, and you’ll see their pain, and piece of your own. We are not so very different. We are far more alike than we often believe. With courageous hearts, we can choose love. So here goes:

In the face of complaints, look that person in the eye and imagine what it might have been like to be raised to see only what is wrong with yourself and others.

In the face of selfishness, wonder what it might be like to walk the world with a feeling of lack, of depletion.

In the face of insults, consider where this person first learned that it’s okay to abuse others.

In the face of disconnection, think about what causes it, and ask if your response will widen the river between the two of you.

In the face of laziness, recognize the fear of living big dreams & authentic.

In the face of unforgiveness, see the clinging, as well as the terror-filled silence that would arise for that person if they risked letting go of using the past as a guilty weapon over someone.

In the face of controlling behavior, understand the chaos that must have bred it and created their need.

In the face of “always needing to be right,” see how often this person was once made wrong.

In the face of arrogance or bravado, hold gently that still, small piece that says “I’m not enough.”

In the face of drama or people pleasing, see the person who wishes so much to be seen.

In the face of accusation, imagine what it might be like to live life with suspicion and lack of trust.

In the face of judgement or comparisons, step into the opportunity the world has just provided you for practicing love and acceptance.

In the face of passive-aggressiveness, recognize the child that wasn’t taught a safe way to express their truth but with holds from others.

In the face of anger, see the pain of isolation from others.

Most importantly: In the face of ferocious hatred, believe in the possibility that there exists the potential for equally as big, intense,lovely and fiery ferocious love.

Christmas has always been my favorite.  It changes with the loss of loved ones, yet the gift of their presence is always there.  The impact a baby had on this world and all the meaning behind it – changed everything.  I was thinking of how much I love Nebraska while sipping my cup of steam today – the creek, the river, the wide open spaces, the Old Market, spending time in nature just taking in the amazing sunsets. There is no place like home.

I was thinking about living in DC and spending Christmas in a difference country once and all of the traveling I’ve done. I really have been very blessed.  I have a few places left on my bucket list, but at the end of the day there are four babies – Jetta, Joe, Nahla and Willow that make my heart smile.  I pray for them daily.  I smile for people but I cringe also for those that spend their entire life working and waiting for someday – someday I’ll take that trip, someday I’ll retire and do the things I want, someday I will visit this person, someday I’ll…..that is the one thing I am grateful for that I learned at an early age…someday is today because today is all we have. 

I’ve seen over and over someone retire and die within 6 months. I’ve seen people wait for someday and their health is gone. I’ve seen someday come to spend with our partner and that person is no longer there.  Don’t get me wrong I enjoy traveling and experiencing other things, but it isn’t a strong pull or need.  Seeing those furry faces and knowing they are ok, sitting in the water with a corona, taking a sunset walk, having my favorite food at M’s Pub, making dinner for friends, being grateful for God’s nature canvas and all the amazing things he gives me right in my back yard…those are the things I treasure most.  I am so excited about Christmas this year.  

Sure…it comes with loss…you can’t live on this earth and not experience at someone point if you are here long enough loosing someone you love. Yet they never go away from your heart if you keep them there. And the greatest gift was born at Christmas for eternal salvation so that I will see those loved ones who are believers again in Heaven.  I honestly cannot wait for the day.  Sometimes I think I feel that pull more and more that this earth, as beautiful as it is, is not my home. That is why my moments count – the love I give counts, the journey steps I take count, giving of myself counts….because there is no someday on this earth…there is just today to love, to live with passion and purpose and celebrate each grain of sand. 

At Your Table – Single by Jared Anderson was just released today. I had the blessing of getting to hear him live in Kearney.  He often sings for the group community Easter and other group church community worship services.  The words to this song are amazing.  We are all sinners and there is always room at God’s table for you and for me. 

So I have been reading a good devotional on being Christ-like in your relationship.  It really isn’t that difficult – the difficult thing is picking one person and sticking with them no matter what.  I see and know so many people who are “relationship” or “partner” shopping when in my opinion they need to be looking hard in the mirror. Or people who want a partner but never change from being “single” and continue a selfish all about me behavior. For me being the best partner you can be is the most important aspect – having a good partner is up to the other person in the relationship.

It is pretty amazing being a good partner, having someone to come home to and share the little details of life with.  Having someone to watch a movie with, be silly with, hand hold because you just enjoy touching them.  A relationship asks you to give more of yourself than you’ve ever given to anyone else but you don’t mind because you want to.  You want to care for and be there for that person. To love and support them and fight for them. A relationship is a beautiful creation of God that is amazing. 

I thought these were very important in having a God centered relationship and being a Christ-like partner….  Your thoughts?

#1 – Every relationship is made up of two sinners. The difference is that we just sin differently. Therefore, before you condemn or punish your partner for his or her sins, consider how sinful you are and how forgiving and patient God has been with you. Do not treat your partner as he or she deserves, treat him or her in the same way that you would want God to treat you. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32) 

#2 – A relationship flourishes when the couple works together as a team; when both partners decide that winning together is more important than keeping score. If you are more concerned with your partner’s wrong doings and keeping track of their past more than you are with working on your own faults, forgiveness and working to be the best partner you can be, perhaps examine if you have a heart of selfishness or servanthood. 

#3 – Create a judgment-free environment in your relationship where both of your are encouraged to openly, fearlessly and freely share not only their joys but also their disappointments, fears and hurts, and expect to be heard empathetically. There is no room for score keeping of wrongs or the past in a relationship.  

#4 – There is Hope for your relationship: Some of the best relationships are those that have come out from difficulty and from deep struggles and hurts. No relationship problem is too deep, too complicated, or too difficult for God to solve. Even the most hot-headed and hard-hearted partner can succumb to the saving power of God. God specializes in transforming hearts and renewing relationships. Gather the broken pieces and bring them to God in prayer.  Yes, “with man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26.

#5 – Men: Stand up for your partner and protect her from the attacks that come from the people close to you. Let your family and friends know that when it comes to your partner and relationship, there is a line they cannot cross. If you have to take sides then always take your partner’s side. You can have as many people as you want in your family, but not in your couple relationship. It only takes three God, you and your partner. Strive to keep everyone else out of your marriage, including your parents, siblings, friends, and children.

#6 – A relationship is not for the cowards, who are ready to quit and run and are not prepared to fight for what is theirs. A relationship is not for the lazy, who do not want to work and sweat for anything. Yes, a couple relationships is sweet, but the sweet often comes after the sweat. In a relationship there are partners to be protected, battles to be won and work to be done. It is only those that endure that eventually enjoy their relationship. The Devil will not just leave you to enjoy your relationship without a fight. The Bible says, “Resist the Devil and he will flee from you.” (James 4:7) Therefore, put on your armor and gather the spiritual courage to give the Devil a tough fight and get on your knees and ceaselessly pray and work tirelessly for your relationship and partner. 

The lover of nature is he whose inward and outward senses are still truly adjusted to each other; who has retained the spirit of infancy even into the era of manhood. His intercourse with heaven and earth, becomes part of his daily food. Ralph Waldo Emerson

There are seven deadly types of people to have
a friendship with or intimate relationship with:

1 – Narcissistic people (all about them – they can walk out whenever because they have no attachment)
2 – Unreliable people (never has your back)
3 – Selfish people (life revolves about their wants and needs)
4 – Emotional using people  (use you to make them feel good then can easily discard you)
5 – Blaming people (everything, ever hurt, every wrong – is your fault – no accountability or forgiveness – uses guilt and past blame)
6 – Fake people (one way when they are with you and another way around others or family – mask wearer)
7 – Dramatic people (fun is one thing – people who live in constant never satisfied, poor me, etc – not fun drama but roller coaster chaos)

My guess is that at some point in time you, as well as I, have had a crushed spirit. 
You thought someone you loved with all your core would be there forever, someone who said they would never let go of your hand and yet did because it suited them. 
Someone you committed to sharing life with wounded you deeply.
You’re living in the pain of their betrayal.  They said they loved you and instead used you.
You want to make sense of it all, learn and heal. You want a reason when there is none.

There is a difference between someone who has narcissistic tendencies and someone who has narcissistic personality disorder.
The difference is in the degree of pain they inflict (from a molehill to a mountain) and their ability to change, because there will be pain. 
Notice I said change, not be cured.  Yes, God creates change, however there will always be narcissist tendencies in a person with these manifestations.  Often created because of a lack of personal attachment in childhood, this
behavior follows through adulthood and is basically impossible to completely remove. For example – if you are hurting to them – it’s your own fault. You created the situation and you deserve the blame. He will go on and on about how you hurt him or poor me, but your hurt doesn’t even register on the scale of being important.
He is an expert in gaslighting.  He may say something you know you heard, but treats you like you’re crazy when you discuss it or hold him accountable.  He can be forgiven for things he did but your blame is eternal (as well as you should feel guilt forever for it). He is great at fault finding and it is mostly yours. He is not consistent, contradicting himself in word and action frequently  His words are often passive aggressive and sarcastic/cruel. You’re preferences are not important. He isn’t really concerned about you until it impacts his reputation or the smoke and mirrors he has created that you could impact by being truthful.  He runs through relationships. The partner he is with soon becomes not good enough as he searches for the next best thing. He cannot handle any sort of criticism sending him into a tail spin. He has manic mood swings – one day he is happy and the next time you see him at an all time low. He is the master of triangulation, where he discloses bad parts of your relationship with others and still he tells you he is living vulnerable and authentic.

He LOVES to use guilt – anything you’ve did in the past or anything that is just your fault, using this to get you to comply or feel bad.
He often has “harems’ of people of the opposite sex surrounding him so he has a constant source of affirmation.
Initially he made you feel amazing and wanted, loved and supported only to shape-shift and turn on you. This is called love-bombing or idealization/devaluation.
This is always followed by the discard phase. He will abandon you. The question is not if but when. 

So what can YOU do…

Keep your eyes focused on God.  Pray for them…process the journey…and forgive. Be the best person and best partner in a mutually loving and giving relationship. 

“The Lord is close to the borken-hearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” Psalm 34:18

Remember Jesus was betrayed by someone who proclaimed to love him. He experienced those deadly relationships.
Also remember: We cannot change people. We can only change ourselves with God’s beautiful help.

Jesus I pray when people are in relationship with any of these deadly characteristics, would you remind them that you understand what it’s like having someone who said they would be there but only looked out for themselves. Bring a new perspective and holy understanding of what it means to engage with people and a world that has thorns. Without you Jesus, life is empty, but with you it is a spring of living water.  Illuminate the journey to help protect them from those who would be false, self-centered, narcissistic, fake, blaming, unreliable thorns and instead guide them toward authentic, dependable, stead-fast, real, loving , loyal, committed, and accepting relationships.

‘I worked hard and earned it all.’”  Have you ever met someone like that? I know I have.  Someone who was so worried about spending a dime on someone or that someone would get “HIS” money.  That every morning and each night before bed made sure to check their bank account and stock markets?  I think God calls us to be good stewards, however the most beautiful people I met are the ones with generous hearts.  My Grandmother was the most beautiful example of sharing.  She always had an open home, another seat at the table, another dinner plate, another space on the couch at Holidays, extra time and money to give even if she had little. It is pretty easy to be “generous” when you have a lot (and still be a miser) but the true heart of giving – shares when you have little and yet still you give. 

“In his mind, he had earned it; he had done it all.  It was ALL his.”  Where is the gratitude, thanksgiving, and joy of sharing in that? I can’t pay for that, we can’t go here, I can never get married, I can’t travel there…became an every day way of life.  His things had become shiny shackles that kept joy at bay all his life. “His things.” How sad.

“Pride slays thanksgiving…a proud and selfish man is seldom a grateful man, for he never thinks he gets as much as he deserves.” Eyes shut tight to God’s glory.  The interesting thing is this doesn’t just apply to money – it applies to time, to opening of one’s home, to giving a gift someone else would like or doing something that is important to someone else.  It also applies to the spiritual world – a selfish person says it is ok for me to be forgiven but I will not forgive you,  I am grateful for my past but I will hold your’s again you,  I am a new person with a clean slate but you will never be more than what I see instead of what God sees, my sin isn’t as big as your sin.  That is what a selfish heart does…it blinds us from the gifts we have been given so that we with hold them from others. Again how sad.

I am reminded of an old saying that stirs and stings: “Gratitude turns what we have into enough.” Always enough. Jesus thanked God for the two loaves and five fish…and there was more than enough to go around (John 6:1-13).

Gratitude can change your perspective on the simplest of mundane tasks and transform them into moments of sudden glory. I have a friend who in May this year was hit on her bicycle in a hit and run accident.  She has went through multiple surgeries, learning to perform basic skills again and still has a very long road ahead of her. It has impacted not only her daily life and income but being a mother, daughter and friend.  Our lives can change in the blink of an eye.  Yet even in the midst of trials she is giving praise to God.  I pray for strength as such. 

Do you ever have those moments when God showed up. Actually, He was there all along, but sometimes the eyes of our hearts get blind to recognize His presence. I believe God gives me little moments throughout my entire day if I stop and listen (and sometimes even when I don’t) to keep connected, to say I love you, to share in a relationship with Him.

Think about this…..as our grains of sand are numbered…

Suppose you were blind and you couldn’t see the beautiful patterns on the linoleum floor or the spilled juice by the refrigerator door. Suppose you were deaf and you couldn’t hear the soothing sound of the soap bubbles dissolving in the scrub bucket or the rhythmic sound of the mop being pushed back and forth across the floor’s hard surface. Suppose you were in a wheel chair and you weren’t strong enough to stand upright and grasp the wooden handle in your nimble hands to erase the muddy footprints and make the floor shiny and clean again. Suppose you didn’t have a home or a family or friends to clean up after. Suppose you missed out on a beautiful relationship because it is better not to forgive. This journey is all about perspective and gratefulness. 

I think of those that say “I worked hard and it’s all mine.”  I smile and I tear…because in the blink of an eye all that could be gone. Would you still be grateful?  I think of those that choose to be selfish or have an unforgiving heart…as I think how & why…when God has forgiven you and given you so much. I guess I am grateful that I don’t understand that type of thinking or behavior.  I think about the next 10 years and the moments to come (God willing).  And I know how very precious those grains of sand are.  Never take anyone or any moment for granted. 

You can use the word of God to be a witness/warrior or you can use it to be self-righteous and wound other people.  I know people who talk big about Grace, Forgiveness and Love – but then apply it only to themselves and not to EVERYONE around them.  So sad. The Bible is the Word of God and beautiful….

May your Thanksgiving be Thankful…

“it is for this day i give thanks….
for it holds all that i am grateful for –
my past that has brought me here,
who i am now,
and the possibilities of my future.
the presence of those i love,
and the memories of those i have lost.
it holds my darkness
and my light.
it holds the unknowns
that whirl around inside of me,
and it holds the joy
that bursts forth in laughter.
it holds my hunger
and my satisfaction.
it wraps me in sun and sky
and tucks me in gently with the moon
and the stars.
it is for this day i give thanks.
and it is in the glory of this day
that i am truly humbled
by this gift i have been given.”

What are you grateful for today?  Grace…love…forgiveness….health….salvation…eternity? 

I find so much amazement in a leaf.  The way it’s color blends, how it is shaped, what is says to me, the journey it has had.  There is so much in just one beautiful leaf.   I was thinking about movement today. The way the leaf is carried on the wind.  Sometimes it belongs to a tree, at times it is a boat in the river and other times is a whimsical mouse for a cat to chase..yet during all those chapters of life, it remains a leaf.  Do you look at people and only see a leaf or do you see the chapters of the leaf and smile because of it’s journey?  That is where the power of grace applies.  To me you can’t have gratefulness without grace.  The two go hand in hand.   Since that first Thanksgiving, we Americans have layered the word with thoughts of turkey roasting in a warm kitchen, pumpkin pie piled high with whipped cream, and friends and families gathering. We plan, we shop, we cook in preparation. Even those who don’t consider themselves to be particularly religious feel a pull, a longing to express gratitude to something or someone bigger than ourselves. But the concept of Thanksgiving has its roots in eternity. The concept of Thanksgiving starts in our core with Grace and Gratefulness. 

I am grateful for 4 fur-babies that I love with all my heart. 

I thought of how the leaf is still a leaf through out it’s journey,  yet has went through many moments.  Just like people – we all go through moments – trials and celebrations.  What if when I looked at you all I saw was one chapter of your life instead of all of them together to make you the leaf you are today.  I know what it feels like to have someone only know you as one chapter in your life.  I feel sorry for that person and I pray my heart never sees other’s as only one chapter of their journey but with grace and gratitude.  Without grace, it’s probably not the best way to share Christ and to me sure isn’t a way to be Christ-like. Again, this is where grace comes in. God’s power in our lives causes us to change gears, to look up to heaven and say, “Thank you, Father.” One look at the cross and we can never doubt God’s love and goodness toward us, no matter what we are facing. For we who have trusted in Christ, there are always reasons to give thanks. There is always a reason to extend grace to another because you and I have been given so much of it. 

What an adventure, to begin to see things from this perspective, to reaffirm God’s love in spite of any situations we face. What if I gave thanks when dealing with that coworker who rubs me the wrong way, the rude neighbor when my nephew won’t go to sleep, my demanding aging parent, my partner who at times just doesn’t understand? What if I raise those impossible problems to God with thanksgiving, remembering that he is in control? What if I extend grace instead of seeing people as only one chapter of their leaf journey.  Thanksgiving is much more than turkey and gravy, more than a once-a-year feast. I’m challenged by Grace and Gratefulness to make Thanksgiving a daily way of life.

I hope this year when you take in the moments of Thanksgiving – they mean much more to you than turkey and dressing.  The below, to me, is a true meaning of Thanksgiving – grace, gratefulness and eternity. 

I am a sinner…

I am a liar, a drunkard, a fornicator, and a hypocrite. I’m an adulterer because the Good Book says that if you even look at another woman with lust in your heart you have committed adultery. I’ve been in more fights and beds than I care to admit. I’ve turned my back on people that I could have helped far more than I’ve turned the other cheek.

I’ve abused alcohol, drugs, tobacco, and those that I love.

And I’m proud of none of it…yet each chapter made me who I am today.

And I’m a pastor.

And as a pastor, I have run-ins with people that are real high on “holding people accountable”. It’s funny how accountability is like other people’s kids. We really want other parents to keep their kids in line, but when it’s ours that are messing up then people need to mind their own business.

I’ve had grown men sit across a table from me or ride out to check cows and confess their sins to me. After everything is said and done, we then pray and thank God for his forgiveness.

Sometimes we get better in our weaknesses and sometimes it takes a while and a lot of prayer to let go of our demons.

I just wish that the normal reaction in a church to someone sinning was to run to the church leadership with a ferocity for forgiveness.

It rarely, if ever, happens.

We are a sick pen for sinners; not a show pen for self-righteous saints. We forgive sins, but we don’t condone them. We give second chances, but we don’t make excuses.

He who is without sin can chunk the first rock, but like I said, we don’t just shrug our shoulders at sin either.

I don’t care how good you are, you are a sinner. Your sin is not less than, it is equal to everyone else’s. But we don’t focus on people’s sin, we focus on the cross.

There are churches that are so sin focused that Jesus is seldom preached. Anyone can preach a problem, we prefer to preach the cure.  Grace and gratefulness abound here.  If you expect to receive it, we believe you should also be prepared to give it. That’s the Cross. 

When you know who you are
the River lives in you
One day you aren’t an Aspen Tree
and the next become an Oak

You aren’t a beaver
saying you are a turtle dove
You don’t pretend to be a lamb
when you really are a wolf.

Grounded is when you are real
when you are vulnerable
when you bleed love
walking on sands of glass
yet still moving forward.

People pleasers
lost soul shakers
shift shapers
are like false promises.

Let the water hold you
just as you are
As God says just as I am
so says the River

It doesn’t try to fool you
it doesn’t pretend it is something it’s not
It doesn’t intentional cut you
Just to sit and watch you bleed.

The River is
The River was
The River always shall be

Do you hear it…
Can you feel it inside you
Do you know it
It knows you.

LOVE THIS

STEAM WALK 

Remember who you are.

You are a child of the King, with the spiritual DNA now of Christ residing in you.

I feel deep sorrow for anyone who only sees people as their past. They will miss out on so much in life – blessings, love, forgiveness, grace and hand holding moments.  All I can say is MY GOD is so much bigger.  I’ve read those red letters and I know saving grace and unconditional love. It is so much bigger.  Never let anyone define you by their past or what they see – only by who God says you are. 

It breaks my heart to know some people do not believe in Eternal Salvation.  As if they have to “earn” their salvation. It would be thinking in a relationship – I will only be with you if you “earn” my love.  That is warped and selfish thinking.  Grace is UNMERITED (NOT EARNED) FAVOR. 

I think one of the most important message of this sermon is “the devil’s thinking or self induced cages.”  There are only “lost sinners” and “saved sinners”  – how true is that and it makes me smile.  See you and I are sinners – only saved by grace. EVERY SINGLE DAY. Seeing someone only as their past, having to work the rest of your life to make amends, to always have the mask of perfect or people pleasing is exactly that – shaky ground – in life and not needed for salvation.  I can’t imagine having family, friends or a partner that keeps a record of hurts and past – only loving you when you are “perfect”, you meet “their” standards or you spend your life living for their perceptions. How tiring to live life on this earth that way and to think you have to earn salvation or you could loose it.  I’m sure glad God doesn’t do that either.  Can you imagine God saying I can’t forgive you for your past or I’ll only love you if your sin isn’t that bad or if you meed my standard? Praise the Lord He doesn’t say that to you or me. Salvation is a GIFT -not earned, not worked for….I am so grateful for the unconditional love of my Heavenly Daddy.

Life is in the little details of nature…smile maker 

I was thinking this morning about being core real and why for some it is so difficult and others are comfortable being who they (the entire package) without needing to people please.  Of being loved for exactly who you are – the past, the present and the future.  Many say they love like this but in “real”  moments of life very few do.  I wondered what makes people look at commitment, love and serving as a negative instead of the beautiful relationship God created it to be.  If you want to try a contest in your home, with your partner, how about seeing who can out-serve the other.  The apostle Paul encourages: “Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Love each other with genuine affection and take delight in honoring each other” (Romans 12:9-10 NLT).

I read this today – “Look out for” is from the Greek word skopos, from which we get the words telescope and microscope. It means to pay close attention. Whether we are using a telescope to get the big picture or a microscope for close examination, the wife of a man’s dreams pays close attention to his needs, desires, dreams, joys, and sorrows. She looks closely at his heart and thinks of ways to serve him and love him.  

To me that is what love is – loving when you don’t “feel” like it…forgiving, covering in grace, making an everyday practice of forgiveness, and of thinking about what is it your partner likes, what is important to them.  Having this as a personal goal is important to me.  It is a blessing to serve your partner when we see it in the light God frames it. 

Serving doesn’t mean the bondage of slavery. As Jesus served His disciples, He proved to us conclusively that God’s kind of serving love flows from choice, not a have to; from strength, not weakness; from gladness, not guilt.

Jesus said, “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you” (Luke 6:38 NIV).

“You will never find the real truth among people that are insecure or have egos to protect. Truth over time becomes either guarded or twisted as their perspective changes; it changes with the seasons of their shame, love, hope or pride.”

It is the person who has been given so much grace that either 1) takes that grace yet judges others not extending grace to other’s because of their sin or 2) has been given so much grace they let forgiveness become an everyday practice and cover people in love and grace.  

I know the first type of person all too well – it breaks my heart yet you can’t create in someone grace. I am amazed how someone can be given and covered with so much grace yet not treat others in the same manner God has treated them. It is a choice and a sickness of the heart. 

“I tell you, her sins – and they are many – have been forgiven, so she has shown Me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” (Luke 7:47)

The Gospel of Luke, Chapter seven, shares a scandalous story of extravagant worship. As Jesus dines with a room full of self-righteous Pharisees, a notoriously sinful woman enters the home with an alabaster jar of expensive perfume. The woman proceeds to weep at Jesus’ feet, wiping her tears with her long hair as she anoints His holy feet with what is likely her most prized possession, her perfume. She does all of this under the judgmental glares of the men reclining at the dinner table.

The Pharisees were outraged. How could she be so bold…and so wasteful? A man named Simon speaks up and even questions Jesus, claiming a true prophet would know what kind of woman was touching Him. Jesus reprimands Simon, explaining that the woman understood what the Pharisees did not – that she was a sinner in need of forgiveness. Her awareness of her own sinfulness resulted in her understanding the depth of Christ’s love in forgiving her. The only appropriate response to such grace and mercy is sacrificial worship.

As Christ followers, we would do well to read this story often, because perhaps no calling is carried out in the daily course of life more than forgiveness. As I read it fresh today, I can see myself throughout this story. At times, I am the self-righteous Pharisee, quick to criticize the sins of another while oblivious to my own. At times, I easily judge others who struggle differently than I do. I am also, however, the broken woman at Christ’s feet, completely undone by His grace despite my sin…overwhelmed that He has forgiven me. Some days, I live in such awe and gratitude of my Savior’s love for me that I unashamedly worship at His feet.

Yes, I am the Pharisee; and I am the sinful woman. But each day that I walk with Jesus, following Him in faith-driven obedience, I become less Pharisee and more worshiper. I judge less and I love more. I put down the calculator and just break the jar of my earthly treasures open, one by one, and lay them at His feet. I have not arrived, but I am in the process of becoming the extravagant worshiper and grace filled to overflowing person that I was created to be.

Jesus explained an important truth to Simon the Pharisee that evening long ago – forgiveness and love are deeply connected. Our love for Christ is directly proportionate to our understanding of His forgiveness of us. In the same way, our love for Christ is what will compel us to forgive and love another. We have been forgiven so that we can share in that type of relationship.  That is what a partnership relationship is all about daily. 

One of the best videos I’ve seen. 

Once there was a tree….
and she loved a little boy.
And everyday the boy would come
and he would gather her leaves
and make them into crowns
and play king of the forest.
He would climb up her trunk
and swing from her branches
and eat apples.
And they would play hide-and-go-seek.
And when he was tired,
he would sleep in her shade.
And the boy loved the tree….
very much.
And the tree was happy.
But time went by.
And the boy grew older.
And the tree was often alone.
Then one day the boy came to the tree
and the tree said, ‘Come, Boy, come and
climb up my trunk and swing from my
branches and eat apples and play in my
shade and be happy.’
‘I am too big to climb and play’ said
the boy.
‘I want to buy things and have fun.
I want some money?’
‘I’m sorry,’ said the tree, ‘but I
have no money.
I have only leaves and apples.
Take my apples, Boy, and sell them in
the city. Then you will have money and
you will be happy.’
And so the boy climbed up the
tree and gathered her apples
and carried them away.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time….
and the tree was sad.
And then one day the boy came back
and the tree shook with joy
and she said, ‘Come, Boy, climb up my trunk
and swing from my branches and be happy.’
‘I am too busy to climb trees,’ said the boy.
‘I want a house to keep me warm,’ he said.
‘I want a wife and I want children,
and so I need a house.
Can you give me a house ?’
‘ I have no house,’ said the tree.
‘The forest is my house,
but you may cut off
my branches and build a
house. Then you will be happy.’

And so the boy cut off her branches
and carried them away
to build his house.
And the tree was happy.
But the boy stayed away for a long time.
And when he came back,
the tree was so happy
she could hardly speak.
‘Come, Boy,’ she whispered,
‘come and play.’
‘I am too old and sad to play,’
said the boy.
‘I want a boat that will
take me far away from here.
Can you give me a boat?’
‘Cut down my trunk
and make a boat,’ said the tree.
‘Then you can sail away…
and be happy.’
And so the boy cut down her trunk
and made a boat and sailed away.
And the tree was happy
… but not really.

And after a long time
the boy came back again.
‘I am sorry, Boy,’
said the tree,’ but I have nothing
left to give you –
My apples are gone.’
‘My teeth are too weak
for apples,’ said the boy.
‘My branches are gone,’
said the tree. ‘ You
cannot swing on them – ‘
‘I am too old to swing
on branches,’ said the boy.
‘My trunk is gone, ‘ said the tree.
‘You cannot climb – ‘
‘I am too tired to climb’ said the boy.
‘I am sorry,’ sighed the tree.
‘I wish that I could give you something….
but I have nothing left.
I am just an old stump.
I am sorry….’
‘I don’t need very much now,’ said the boy.
‘just a quiet place to sit and rest.
I am very tired.’
‘Well,’ said the tree, straightening
herself up as much as she could,
‘well, an old stump is good for sitting and resting
Come, Boy, sit down. Sit down and rest.’
And the boy did.
And the tree was happy.

See how the trees
Reach up and outward
As if their entire existence
Were an elegant gesture of prayer.
See how they welcome the breath of spirit,
In all its visible and invisible forms.
See how the roots reach downward and out,
Embracing the physical,
The body and bones
Of its soul of earth and stone,
Allowing half its life to be sheltered
in the most quiet and secret places.
– Carrie Newcomer, To be Like a Tree

Living within a culture where people are quick to claim victim status for anything and everything, where does forgiveness come in and why?

For the Christian, forgiveness, the practice of setting aside a wrong and remembering it no more, is only possible through the Person of Jesus Christ. He Himself chose to demonstrate the act of forgiveness in the most impossible situation. As He hung from the cross, He asked God to forgive those who were killing Him. The importance of forgiveness then, cannot be overstated. If Jesus felt it important enough to voice in His moment of greatest pain, and to forgive for the most heinous of offenses against Him, what does that say of His expectation of us?

Forgiveness is a choice. You can choose to be the victim or you can choose to see people as Jesus and their sin exists no longer. As we remember how Jesus forgave us for our sins against Him, going as far as to pay the penalty Himself, we’re also empowered to forgive others. We don’t have to worry about someone else getting justice and we don’t have to play the victim. We can trust Jesus  and rely on Jesus to help us move past injustice done. In so many cases, our only recourse in looking past an offense is to focus our eyes on Jesus. And asking Jesus to have their best interest in mind, we can  forgive.

PRAYER:

God, thank You for forgiving me of my sins, and for paying the penalty for them on the cross. I ask that you help me to be as forgiving toward others as You have been toward me. Teach me to overlook offenses so that that person may be drawn even more toward Christ through my witness in example of love and forgiveness. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

The waves of light flower over her as touches of the ocean….mesmerizing. Mermaid = a water woman who chooses imagination over fear. 🧜‍♀️

It is mornings like this that I so enjoy  The snow gently falling in big flakes.  It covers the ground as a peaceful blanket, tucking in the leaves and blades of grass.  Drifting to slumber to be awaken to a winter wonderland.  Drinking my cup of steam, watching the birds huddle, listening to the soft soothing sound of purring, I thought of sledding and building ice igloo forts as a child.  I heart laughed at how much warmer my body temperature was as a child. I think God created us that way to be able to play in the snow no matter how cold our toes were.  I don’t seem to have the luxury anymore no matter how warmly I dress, however short winter walks investigating a branch, a snow kissed flower, and the way the light shimmers off the untouched white…still amaze me.  Speaking of that…time to go for a tip and toe exploration to see what awaits underneath the blanket.

Some times dreams really do come true.  When you have two people who believe in grace, forgiveness and never letting go of each other’s hands.  So happy for my wonderful friends & their families! 

What is one of the most important foundations of a relationship.  Commitment is a given, but a relationship cannot exist without something that is a crucial ingredient – GRACE.

I often wondered what makes one person have a heart of grace and another person a heart of judgement.  I personally believe both are a CHOICE, but why does one choose to have one over the other.  What makes one person choose to see someone as their past and the next person to see someone as their present?  I have been praying on this and had the greatest experience that etched.  It is a CHOICE  – plain and simple. We can CHOOSE to have a heart of grace, forgiveness and love – seeing people as they are now or we can choose to only see them as their sins, their past, their mistakes.   I know that in a partnership relationship – having a partner that chooses to live by judgement versus living by grace is a cruel relationship.  You might as well pour broken glass on the floor of your home and walk on it -because when you do something they don’t like or you sin, they will not choose to redeem your relationship through Grace. You’ll be walking on egg shells – wondering when you won’t “measure up.”  Can you imagine having a partner that says I love you regardless of your past? I don’t like your choices but who you are is not defined strictly based on your actions and we will walk through this together. Versus a partner that says I only see you as the mistakes you made, the affair you had, the alcohol addiction that you were – you will never be anything else and I choose to hold the past against you whenever it serves me? The first is what God intended – a heart of grace.  The second is why people choose to live broken lives all from a heart of judgement.  The image below says it best:

I wondered how could someone (who has been saved by grace) who said “I am grateful for my past and wouldn’t change a thing”,  CHOOSE to only see someone else as THEIR PAST without grace, love or forgiveness.  The answer is that person is CHOOSING to have a  judgmental heart. It is ironic as this person can have relationships with women who have been divorced multiple times, can hang with friends who live in cohabitation but cannot have dinner with someone who is gay, shares life advice from someone who is an Atheist and filled with broken dating relationships, and is planning on life coaching people with the motto “your criminal past is your past and there is a new canvas awaiting you” …yet at the same time models a life that says only certain people “DESERVE” grace.  I thought about courteous conduct – conduct that models Christ’s behavior and glorifies him.  What example is this person setting for their children and grandchildren – a heart of judgment.  I understand why that has became a generational cycle. It is what has been known and what is modeled by both parent: saying: It is ok to not be forgiving, it is ok to judge someone by their past, it is almost encouraged to not live a life of grace by name calling, exclusions and cruelness.  Yet in the messages both of New Life and Westside – acts of grace, love, forgiveness in a Christ like manner are guidelines for the way Christians should live. If you aren’t a Christian it is pretty hard to model after Christ. Makes great scents when you look at the puzzle picture instead of just the pieces.

What makes one person forgive a partner after an affair and another not? What makes one parent continue to love their child after they are known to be gay versus exclude them? What makes one person have a grace-filled spirit and other the heart of judgement?  What causes one couple to not have an out clause and other to walk out at the first sign of trouble? I continue to pray on it, but I know what person I do not wish to be like. I also believe the only way to have a heart of grace and not a heart of judgement is to rely on God’s strength -not our own.  I do not wish to be a person who judges people by their past but accepts and loves them right where they are right now. Someone who fights for others.  Who doesn’t see someone as their past but who they are as a child of God right now. I wish to be someone who lives in grace.

In a relationship – any relationship be it family or friends – but especially in a couple relationship,  if one always uses the past to punish, remind, treat someone poorly, or treat them in a manner with unforgiveness, that is a similar path the Devil takes when USING our past.  We can let the Devil use our past as a weapon or God can use it as a tool.  

The thing that finally etched in my heart and mind – not everyone allows God to use their past as a tool or they might say God changed me but I will still hold this person’s past against them because the Devil can use that as a weapon.  I believe until you understand how much God has forgiven you for everything in your life – way back to Adam and Eve – that it is pretty easy to discount that YOU & I  have been forgiven and loved so much that God is so much bigger than our past,  that how COULD we EVEN DREAM of holding someone’s past against or using it against them.  What if God did that to you? Until that moment is real – people will continue to CHOOSE to have judgmental hearts.  

One can’t say I am grateful for my past and would never change anything and I have been saved by grace and have a new canvas – and yet look at your brother or sister and say I only see you as your past.  There is a huge plank in your eye and a heart of judgment in your core.  Maybe that person will never come to terms with having a judgmental heart – maybe they will.  MY job is to make sure that my heart NEVER ends up that way. What a tragedy as a child of God – when we are freed and loved by grace. 

Our behaviors reveal our hearts. If you get a discerning handle on a person’s actions, you will find clues to what may be going on in their heart. There is forgiveness, grace, love, commitment, joy and ownership or there is blame, unforgivness, guilt usage, lack of commitment and inconsistency. 

The below model shows a selfish heart (my desire) in a relationship versus having a humble heart in a partnership relationship (having a God designed heart). 

Some people will only love you when you are perfect and have your “act” together.  Other people will love us exactly who and where we are and for where we have been – just like God celebrates us – just as I am.  Be sure to love someone for who they were, are and will be – not just for who you want them to be in perfect or sinless at the moment.

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. ~ Proverbs 22:6

Proverbs 22:6 was one of my Grandmother’s favorite sayings. She would continually quote it to us. We heard it a bit more in times we were straying off the path, but she would say it also when everything was going smoothly. I think it was just as a reminder the importance of no matter what happens in life that once you are saved you can always return home.  And for those who aren’t saved yet – there is a home waiting. 

I have a tendency to believe people I love face value at their word. Even when they break that word or promise you give them another chance.  Isn’t that what we are called to do?  Yet unfortunately I have found that some people base their word on the changing of emotions, or just because they can at the moment. I don’t think they even think about what they say – they just do and say whatever they want at that moment and it changes the next. Their words really are like water sifting through river sand…they are empty and mean little. Grandma always meant her words.  When she spoke she meant it and kept it.  Her words were not changed with fleeting emotions – even though at times she was emotional.  Her word meant something.   And when it came to scripture she quoted it, lived it and spoke it.

I found this impactful in the sermon “Did you raise your child to hear from God?”  My Heavenly Dad isn’t someone that is far off and out of reach. I have a daily relationship with him.  I am also grateful that I was taught to honor the bible and believe everything in it is the word of God. Now I still had and have free will and there are many things I don’t understand but I know it is the true foundation for life.  Even in my struggles, I find great comfort in that.  I knew that daily my Grandmother prayed for me. She showed it through other amazing ways as well.  I miss her more than I can even begin to say, but the greatest thing is I know one day soon I will see her again.   And sometimes in life we just “live off the ranch.” Smiling.

I both smile and cringe at Christians who believe that you never “sin” or get off the path, or as Pastor Dodd said have a season that you aren’t walking too closely to God – sometimes by choice and sometimes because you have fallen away. No one would ever “choose” to sin as a Christian right?  Wrong – we do it every day – lying, even little white ones, anger, bitterness, an unforgiving spirit, not keeping our word, swearing, and not keeping the Sabbath holy – even gluttony. And yes, seasons take us farther and father away until we hit a boulder, a road block, a whatever that wakes us up from our luke warmness and God says come back my child….come home. That is if we are blessed we hit a boulder.  Unfortunately, I believe some never will. 

I have written about it and said it more than once. I am so grateful for generations that instilled strong Christian foundations in my family.  Doesn’t mean they are perfect but what it does mean that no matter the path or what happened, they always knew the importance of “training up a child in the ways he or she should go”.  They also lived grace, unconditional love, and forgiveness and not only in word but in action.  That is a HUGE life lesson right there. That no sin was too big that our God wasn’t bigger in grace, love and clean slates.  And no matter how young or how old we are…with God’s grace we never really depart from it and come running home to our Heavenly Daddy’s open arms.

The Cat Song

Mine, says the cat, putting out his paw of darkness.
My lover, my friend, my slave, my toy, says
the cat making on your chest his gesture of drawing
milk from his mother’s forgotten breasts.

Let us walk in the woods, says the cat.
I’ll teach you to read the tabloid of scents,
to fade into shadow, wait like a trap, to hunt.
Now I lay this plump warm mouse on your mat.

You feed me, I try to feed you, we are friends,
says the cat, although I am more equal than you.
Can you leap twenty times the height of your body?
Can you run up and down trees? Jump between roofs?

Let us rub our bodies together and talk of touch.
My emotions are pure as salt crystals and as hard.
My lusts glow like my eyes. I sing to you in the mornings
walking round and round your bed and into your face.

Come I will teach you to dance as naturally
as falling asleep and waking and stretching long, long.
I speak greed with my paws and fear with my whiskers.
Envy lashes my tail. Love speaks me entire, a word

of fur. I will teach you to be still as an egg
and to slip like the ghost of wind through the grass.

When black cats prowl & pumpkins gleam…May luck be yours on Halloween  

When they are the first to see the Zombie Apocalypse 

What are bengals made of? Pumpkin spice and everything nice of course

HAPPY HALLOWEEN 

We just ended our bible study on Grace and starting one on the Ten Commandments.  Did you know unforgiveness is a sin? Just like any other sin – gossip, stealing, little white lies, adultery, taking the Lord’s name in vain….they are ALL SINS. You can’t just say I don’t steal so I can have an unforgiving spirit….unforgiveness is also a very powerful sin.

As I reflect on Grace…I think of the saying “let forgivness become an everyday practice.”  It is one of my favorites and a way I try to live.  I was thinking what causes someone to expect grace but not give it.  I’m guessing we’ve all heard people that have said “I can’t forgive them.  I can’t let go of the past.  I just cannot get over that.”  The interesting thing is the CAN they just CHOOSE not too.  And they are right – they can’t through their own strength, but they can through the Holy Spirits. 

Every time I think of  an unforgiving spirit or someone who could have held the past against someone…I think of the story of Corrie ten Boom, arrested for hiding Dutch Jews from the Nazis, survived the horrors of a concentration camp to astonish the world by forgiving her tormentors. She neither held the past against him nor showed unforgivness but instead acted in love, grace and that his sins were forgiven. The message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have hurt us.  

I always start by asking myself what kind of person do I choose to be? What kind of person does God call me to be?  Do I want to be someone who expects grace and forgiveness but won’t give it. That I am forgiven for my past but won’t forgive someone else? I for certain do not want to be that kind of person.  It makes me sad that there are some pretty unforgiving and graceless “Christians” out there. 

What causes one Christian to believe in Grace and Forgiveness and another Christian to not?  What causes one to hold onto the past, of hurts, of anger, of bitterness, of how other people would react and the next person to say I love you and forgive you.  Many of us have not been through such a horrific ordeal as Corrie however we all have experienced some type of hurt. Yet there is something in each of us that we CHOOSE to live in grace or not. In any relationship – parent/child, couple relationship, or friendship – without grace and the ability to start each day with a clean slate unforgivness rules. I am intrigued to know what causes the difference?

None of us, in my opinion, have the power to forgive in our own strength. 
I know when I try to forgive someone who has continually hurt me in my own strength it doesn’t go so well.  I know because I’ve tried and did not have the power. It was the power of the Holy Spirit that allows me to forgive, to continue to love, to start with a new slate.  There are two type of Christians 1 – knows they are forgiven for their sins, past, and through God’s strength and believe in starting each day with a clean slate and then 2 – those who believe they have been forgiven by Grace yet hold the past against another, choose to not live by a clean slate and that use sin against someone as a form of punishment or guilt reminder.  What an amazing discussion to have on the difference between the two.  Why do you think one chooses grace and the other does not?

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Matthew 6:14-15

Unforgiveness is sin. This truth is hard to hear, and even harder to obey – especially for those who have been wounded by the sins of another. It is for our good, however, that we not only hear it, but also believe it. Why is this true? First, because the Bible says that if we do not forgive those who sin against us, God will not forgive us. Second, because an unforgiving and bitter spirit will destroy a person’s heart. God’s word makes it clear that unforgiveness is a serious sin.  There is no room for love and unforgiveness. Divorce would be very rare if people actually believed in and practiced grace.

Is Jesus saying in Matthew 6:14-15 that if we struggle to forgive others then we cannot be saved? If we must forgive others in order to be saved, then wouldn’t our salvation be somewhat dependent on our own works? We know that cannot be true based on Ephesians 2:8-9. So what does this passage mean? Jesus isn’t telling us what we must do in order to receive salvation, but rather what we will do if we have truly received salvation. Do you see the difference? If the forgiveness we claim to have received from Jesus is so ineffective in our lives that we cannot forgive another person, then we have not truly embraced and treasured what God offers us in Christ. Saving faith is not merely intellectual; it is life changing.

Not only is a forgiving spirit evidence that we have truly accepted God’s forgiveness in Christ, it is also for our good.  Gospel-driven forgiveness is not easy. In fact, it is downright hard at times.  Remember that first and foremost, all sin is against God. He sees and knows the wrong done to us. Refusing to forgive only does more damage, so we must choose to trust God and forgive.

The key to forgiveness is fixing our eyes on Jesus. In Christ we see both unimaginable suffering, and unexplainable grace. In Him we see the depth of our own sin, and the limitless bounds of God’s forgiveness to us. Having trouble forgiving? Look to the cross of Christ.  What are your thoughts? What causes one Christian to live in and act with grace and the next Christian to have an unforgiving spirit? 

When you are intimate with someone – it is much more than just physical.  Intimacy means opening your heart to someone. Believing that no matter what they will be there. When you are both followers of Jesus, the deepest parts of each of you are in communion with one another. That is what makes a relationship fun in the good times and foundational in the trials….knowing that spiritually you are both on the same page together. 

That kind of spiritual intimacy, when two become one, is the greatest form of intimacy. So how do you create it in your marriage?

I find it interesting that people view relationships as pieces of paper or something they can float in and out of.  This relationship doesn’t work so I’ll try this person.  

A relationship truly only works as a covenant bond based on sacrifice. It has no end date. It is permanent until death. It says, “I will love you sacrificially until I die.” It doesn’t say I will stand by your side as long as I  “like” you, or you agree with me, or my family likes you or I’ll be there until things get tough or you do something I don’t like and then I’m gone.  What if God did and said those exact things to you?

Compare that to the contractual view most people have of relationship. A contract relationship says, “I’m going to protect my rights and limit my responsibilities.” It is cheap and impermanent. In a contract relationship, you already have your bags packed and one foot out the door.

How can you build your life with someone who cannot fully demonstrate a commitment to the relationship? ’Til death do us part is the spirit of a covenant. Especially in a covenant marriage, divorce is not an option. When it is – it wasn’t really a covenant, it was just another relationship based on a piece of paper. 

This is where intimacy on a deep level comes in. If you are always out for yourself or relying on your own strength when the relationship has trials one person will pack their bags and be gone.  Building intimacy spiritually helps validate each other’s emotions. Couples fight about things like money, family, friends, even where to go for dinner, but having a spiritual base brings all of that back to perspective. 

Men and women are different. We have unique needs and we don’t always understand each other’s perspective. That’s okay. But even if you don’t identify with what your partner is saying or why he or she is saying it, you can still validate the emotions behind it. Another reason to not base your relationships on your emotions but on a choice to always hold their hand.

Validation says, even if I don’t understand, what you feel is important to me because you are important to me. It means not throwing up our hands and walking away. Doing these things disrupts your emotional connection, and that will destroy intimacy.

A healthy, intimate relationship requires two people who can talk to each other and share deep emotions without fear and without paying a price. Both of you must be each other’s safest place in the world.  It doesn’t work when one person is more worried about what others will think, or about themselves instead saying I love you no matter what and there is nothing you or I can do that will make me walk out of this relationship.  Until you can say that – the relationship is built on quicksand because when thing get tough, as they will, the first option will be to flee. 

For an intimate relationship, having that commitment of a covenant is so much more thank viewing your relationship as a throw away contract. That spiritual bond gives you a foundation for growth and love. 

What is it about commitment?  Some people see is as a beautiful blend that unifies, strengthens, and is a bond so special that it is the most amazing thing  this side of Heaven.  Other’s view it as a negative, a chain, a weighing down, something to be avoided at all costs. In any relationship – even a friendship… consistent commitment- the ability to be able to depend on someone, count on them to be there, know that someone is your wingman – is the foundation relationships thrive on.   I don’t know if it is me or just the age we live in – but commitment seems to be a pretty tough one for many to swallow.  I find that it is because we are an instant gratification culture thinking a relationship should be fun all the time, a relationship shouldn’t require work, forgiveness or sacrifice right?  A relationship shouldn’t be about seeing issues that need work and working on them. We are a paper society who tosses out our friends, our partner, and our family when they do something we don’t like. When they hurt us, when they disappoint us, when they offend us.  I think of all the friendships that have been impacted through politics – when did people feel they had the right to disengage just because they felt like it.  I sometimes want to look people directly in the eyes and say GROW UP! You aren’t the first person this happened to and you won’t be the last.  You can say poor me and make sure everyone around you knows just how awfully you’ve been treated or hurt and that gives you some kind of pass or right to treat anyone else with a little less kindness or decency. You’re sister got the inheritance you wanted, your friend disagrees with you politically, your parent had an affair, your brother is a drug addict, your best friend just got divorced, your neighbor sees religion differently – ok. Life is messy, life is broken – life happens to all of us.  Deal with it. It is so tiring to hear about the Me Too movement, or our President said something that offended you while he is making America great again, or that someone did something to hurt you.  Figure out how to heal your own wounds through the grace of God and show the same to others. Pretty basic and pretty simple. We only get so much time with that special partner, with our father or mother, with our siblings, with our friends.  Tim is so very precious and we know our days are numbered.  I want to say stop looking to others to solve all YOUR issues – the only person that can solve them are you through God.  And the end of the day we either leave our baggage at the foot of the cross or we continue to carry it around with us – impacting our relationships and not in a good way. Be a man or woman of GOD’S GRACE CHARACTER. Base your love on DECISIONS not EMOTIONS.  Ground your COMMITMENT on CHOICE not just WHIMS.

We put rings on each other’s fingers and then signatures on divorce papers. We are employee of the month and then find ourselves on the lay-off list. We tell someone we love them and then check out when the going gets messy. We are dear friends and then time and space and life make us drift until we’re looking back at old photos and thinking, I haven’t seen her in a while. Yet we keep searching, hoping, longing for that person who will stay. The constant who will never go away.

In these moments, it comforts me to know “Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” (Heb. 13:8). He isn’t going to pick someone else on the playground. He isn’t going to bring us roses and then forget to call the next day. He won’t tell you how important you are and then neglect to invite you to life’s celebration party. He won’t use us up and throw us out, pull us close and then push us away, whisper in our ear and then lose our phone number. Because His love for us isn’t based on our charm; it’s rooted in His character. It doesn’t come from His emotions but instead from an eternal commitment. It isn’t dependent on what we do for Him, but what He’s already done for us.

It gets even better: Jesus also tells us, “I am making everything new!” (Rev. 21:5). Who He is doesn’t change, yet He moves and pursues in endlessly creative ways. It’s what our hearts long for, what we’re really looking for when we exchange the friendship bracelets or say the vows or sit down at the desk in a new office for the first time. We want to know we can trust and count on, completely, the one with whom we have aligned ourselves. And yet we also want to know that doing so will lead to life and growth and adventure. We want stability and excitement, consistency and change, familiarity and novelty.

When we try to demand all of this from a human being, we always end up disappointed. People are broken.  But the answer isn’t to shut down our hearts, to tell ourselves we’re being unrealistic or irrational or to become isolated or stop engaging in the relationship. Instead, it’s to take those desires to the One who put them there in the first place, the only One who can truly fulfill them. Jesus “is the same yesterday, today and forever” (Heb. 13:8) yet He also says. “I am making everything new!” (Rev. 21:5). Both are what we need. Both are eternally true.  Then and only then can we be the partner, the best friend, the friend, the family member and neighbor who doesn’t expect perfect, who doesn’t say I’m in this relationship only for what you can give me, I’m only sticking around as long as it works for me – we become the men and women of God that live in grace, that love commitment, that don’t want to live by whims but choose to live by choice. We then can commitment and mean it – not just have it be some piece of paper we tear up, a relationship we toss away or a fleeting feeling that will always change – we then begin to show up and mean it.

So I was thinking about what makes a man.  What makes him a good partner (Ruth Graham’s definition is my favorite)? What makes him a good brother?  What makes him a good friend?  Watching the movie Gosnell (a movie that is very difficult to see) and a discussion with my friend from Texas regarding abortion, feminism, the out of control women’s marches and just mental sanity or lack there of were all topics of discussion. 

I find the feminism movement interesting.  It is great to teach women to be strong, independent thinkers yet I just heard the other day – the bible is wrong because it tells women to be “submissive” to men.   How easily our world twists things to place them into a context of negative instead of what God intended for us.  Men and women are created different for a very good reason – God intended us to be different.  We each have different strengths and weaknesses we bring to the table to complement and support one another.  We blend because we are not identical.  I cringe at a woman’s movement who would encourage men to be like women and women to be like men.  I also am shocked at the men who pride themselves on not being a gentleman.  Treat women like men.  Wonder where they might have heard that. 

I am grateful every day I was born a woman.  Men are wonderfully made in their own way – but I happen to like lace, shoes, girl things and girl time. Having a partner that is the spiritual head of the household, who is masculine, who knows who he is and has been created in God – is pretty amazing. I think of the Kavanaugh ordeal and how close our country came to guilty until proven innocent and what message that sends to all men.  I think of my two nephews and how they are being taught to be gentlemen while having compassion, to be strong while still being loving, to be boys growing up to be men while still being respectful.  They don’t need to be taught to be more like women, they need to learn to be grounded men.

Faith in the storm…

I love my story – every page, every chapter and every picture.  I listen to people who have lives filled with regret, live a continual guilt for their past, and are pretty much set on holding onto unforgiveness or blame. Tell me – what good does any of that do?

I was thinking what if God treated us the way we treat our partner, our parent, our sibling or a friend – possibly even a stranger.  What if he went you know this or that you did at one chapter in your story? Remember that? Well I do and I’m going to bring it up to  you for the rest of you life – make sure you know how sorry you should be – how awful you are – how and how.  That is what we do to people isn’t it.  We say we forgive them but then just as soon as something bothers us or doesn’t go our way we bring up their past.  It is easy to do that isn’t it.  Yet our God – my God – is so much bigger than that.  Every morning I wake up, he gives me a clean slate from yesterday.  He says you are my child and I love you.  Wouldn’t it be nice if people who say they believe in that acted like that to others? Wouldn’t it be nice if your partner said I forgive you and the past is in the past.  The amazing thing is there really are people like that. I try extremely hard to be one of those people.  What good does it do to judge someone or blame them for the past? My opinion it only creates hurt and confusion in the now that doesn’t belong there. 

What if we acted like God and said “let forgivness become an every day practice.”  I forgive you and the past no longer has a stronghold on us. I am given this moment to love, to laugh, to be a partner, to be a daughter, to be a friend.  Also I can’t think of a more loving way to witness.  Yes there were some hard times, some dark pages, some moments in my past that were hard, were messy and confusing and guess what I expect there to be more. I’m human, this world is broken and life is messy. Yet I am so grateful for my journey, my story and all of those moments.  Some of them God used to make me a better partner and a better daughter of the King. I think that is pretty amazing.  

Now I wish I could always say that when messy times come I am so excited that I run to God and say what is it I need to work on, what edge are you rounding off, what ways are you growing me.  I think those things but going through the messy times aren’t always fun and I’m not always excited about them.  Just like in a partnership relationship  – if we think everything is going to be “fun’ we will be disappointed because I believe God uses a partnership relationship to make us into better partners and better people.  It isn’t about fun it is about rounding off the edges of two people blending together.  Pretty neat, huh? Yes but not always comfortable. 

Are you grateful for your story? The messy times, the growth times? Do you just say that and then go I say I am but I am filled with guilt and regrets? Because if your heart is continually living in guilt and regret you really haven’t embraced your story. All the chapters, moments, words, pictures and pages are there to create where and who you are today.  Without them – I’d hate to think who I would be or where I would be.  While I may not be excited to go through the valleys I can say without a doubt that God has never left my side. I can say I am loved and have a clean and beautiful slate each morning. I am grateful for loving, life, and maybe just maybe am a little bit more grounded for the next storm – because I know there will be one. And if my roots fall over – we start again.  That’s the beauty of this life – until I am called home to eternity – each day is a new slate to start again when you know who you are and in whom you have been created. 

My wish for you today is to embrace your story – love it, live it and know it deeply. Cherish even the messy times because you have breath, life, and are fully known and fully loved by your heavenly daddy who is so much bigger than any guilt, past or whatever baggage you wish to hold onto today.  Lay it at the foot of the cross and live life. Love hard and with passion.  Our grains of sand are numbered. 

If you were not able to attend or didn’t get to watch President Trump – great job!!  Looking forward to 2020! #VoteRepublican

The past weeks with the Kavanaugh scenario has brought about many discussion – especially for parents.  I think of my nephews, my niece and what all of this means for them.  What does the women’s metoo movement, feminism, Christian women, innocent until proven guilty (if that still exists) and more impact the generations upcoming.  It seems like the birds and bees talk that was what once happened and sometimes didn’t, is a much broader conversation. 

It is now conversations not only about “physical sex” but also conversation about identity, faith, friends, beauty, boys/girls, sex, porn, and their desperate need to stay connected to a foundation during the teen years.

In a few articles I read on conversations pertaining to the recent media and impact on our kids – these books seems to be a great place to start containing key biblical principles as well as great advice for starting the conversations.

This is a great article.  When do we believe, teach and respect the boys and men in our lives? 

Written by a Female Physician. “This is not Justice. This is Wrong… I was immersed in the party scene in college. I drank to excess. I had black out nights. I WAS GROPED AT FRAT PARTIES. If advances were unwanted I pushed the person away and set personal boundaries. I chose to be a part of the party scene. Because of this I had fun and I have regrets. I HAVE BEEN ASSAULTED AND NOT RAPED. I could replay a scenario like Christine Ford described as very similar to things that happened when excessive drinking occurred in my own experiences.
At the age of 25 I settled down and now my idea of excitement is Netflix and yoga pants. If any of my current patients saw my behavior back then, I could understand why they wouldn’t want me to care for them.
I feel like being a physician is every bit as important as being a Supreme Court Justice. The decisions we make over the span of our careers could change the lives of thousands of people and their descendants for years to come. The same can be said for the Supreme Court or any other political office held. The thing is, poor choices in the past does not, and should not disqualify them. I chugged bankers club whiskey in a cornfield and peed behind a dumpster 25 years ago. But Friday I used tiny instruments to remove infected bony partitions from the ethmoid sinus a few millimeters away from the brain. Should I have a right to operate on humans despite my past? You are damn right I do. You know why? Because I spent 20 years educating myself and sacrificing countless hours to get there. I gave up so much to be good at what I do, to be confident enough in myself to put myself out there to care for people who put their lives in my hands. My hands are capable in spite of my weaknesses of the past.
Character is built partially on learning from mistakes. Brett Kavanaugh has devoted his life to public service and the past 20 years of his life is the definition of integrity. He deserves this appointment.
I AM AGAINST THE WEAPONIZATION OF VICTIMHOOD. Believing unequivocally the woman is right every single time no matter what is giving women power to take out anyone in their path. That is not equality. This radical position is not the answer to gender discrimination and victims rights.
No one can even place Brett Kavanaugh and the Christine Ford IN THE SAME ROOM at a party that zero people recollect except for the woman making the accusations.
If every single woman must be believed every single time, we all know there will be circumstances by which someone will use this power for selfish reasons. It sets women back so far. This is not breaking the glass ceiling. THIS IS NOT JUSTICE. THIS IS WRONG.

In church they talked about a book “The Search for Significance”.  I have just began reading some of it.  I remember my Grandmother saying to me as a little girl, “It doesn’t bother you what people say about you.”  She meant it in a positive way while spending the time and effort always studying me.  And she was right. I don’t make my decisions based on others opinions.  I sometimes don’t do the best making them based on what I know of God’s word either but God and I have had conversations about that. The one thing I am is authentic.   I don’t need a mask, I don’t need your approval…I do need God’s love.   I think of my partnership relationship and sometimes it is important to feel loved.  A partner cannot give you everything God can give you.  You cannot get your self-worth and unconditional love some someone, anyone, that is not God.  A partner, a relationship, a parent, a sister – none of those relationships can “complete” you.  If you aren’t complete in yourself through God you will always be searching.

I think as Christians, but as any of us, we always have a longing.  One of my favorite sayings and song lyrics is “this earth is not my home, I”m just passing through.”  I think we will always have a longing to be in Heaven and eternity where we are reunited with God while we are on this earth.  We will never be “complete” but we can be at peace the more authentic and closer we stay to God.   I’m excited to continue to read as some of the passages refer to ways that we need to be authentic and real with God – he doesn’t want a false relationship or some “perfect” story that we live like putting on a coat when we are out in public and living a different life by taking it off when we are home.  God wants real – God wants authentic.  I thought the following questions were great.  If one wasn’t afraid of mistakes, failure, what other’s think and lived authentic…what would you do differently than you are doing right now? And what’s holding you back?

Dust on the Hymnal: Pondering the Decline of Hymn Singing in our Churches.  This has really been on my heart lately and I would love to know what the rest of you are thinking/feeling. (there is no wrong thought – just sharing). Hymns vs Contemporary Worship Music in Church – what are your thoughts?

Here are my thoughts: I love old hymns. While I certainly don’t think that historic hymns are the only thing we should sing in worship, I am concerned that omitting older hymns in our gatherings silences the rich voices of church history. Some churches seem uninterested in any song that is more than two years old, much less two hundred years. Hymns have some of the most encouraging and passionate words you will ever recite.

Like most songs, hymns have backstories, some of which are truly amazing. Hynmals also have notes. I know not everyone reads music, however many of us do. It is nice to have a song that doesn’t just repeat over and over and over like new songs. I hear all the reasons behind having contemporary worship music for the younger generations and getting them excited about church. Great – I’m all for it. Yet why can’t we have 2 contemporary songs and 2 traditional song. It breaks my heart to think that my nephews will never sing those beautiful hymnal stories in church unless we sing them at home.   Your thoughts? 

I find this entire discussion interesting to say the least and rather unpleasant.

I find this entire discussion irritating and interesting.  Because I am a woman I should just support another woman because of gender?  Oh that’s right ….no logic, facts or thinking – just support your own gender.  Gender alone does not and cannot make someone a better or more qualified candidate for office – nor does it in my opinion guarantee them my support or my trust.  

So a case of “he said” “she said” and I’m just supposed to side naturally with a woman because I am one. Interesting concept. Not one I agree with personally.  Join the “feminist movement” and women’s marches because I’m a woman?  Yes I’m extremely oppressed – I don’t think so.  

I love being a woman. I love everything about being a woman.  I am grateful I am not the same as a man and that God created me exactly this way.  The women in our lives are creatures endowed with particular qualities, divine qualities, which cause them to reach out in kindness and with love to those about them. We can encourage that outreach if we will give them opportunity to give expression to the talents and impulses that lie within them. 

How thankful I am, how thankful we all must be, for the women in our lives. I am thankful each day God created to me to be the Daughter of His kingdom and the woman I am. God bless women. May His great love distill upon them and crown them with luster and beauty, grace and faith. And may His Spirit distill upon men and lead us ever to hold them in respect, in gratitude, giving encouragement, strength, nurture, and love.

God and Father, we pray for our elected officials,
especially for our senators, as they consider
the nomination of Judge Brett Kavanaugh to the U.S. Supreme Court.
Give them a heart and passion for truth and justice.

Guard their hearts and minds against the schemes
of those who seek to pervert justice and truth.
Give them the courage to rise above partisan politics.

We thank You for the freedoms we have enjoyed for so many years.
We thank you for these senators who are to represent “we the people.”
Guide them in this difficult task.

Help senators to think clearly and justly on this nomination.
Help them to concentrate on Judge Kavanaugh and his record,
instead of the outside forces pressuring them to act for other personal interests.

In the Name of Jesus we pray,
Amen.

I was thinking this morning about butterflies. Their grace and beauty. They are vulnerable and fragile yet strong and enduring. 

My very dear friend and home town girl, Kara Stoltenberg, is recovering from a traumatic bike accident that occurred the morning of May 16, 2018.

Kara was taken to Vanderbilt in a life flight and stayed in the ICU for 3 days. She sustained a life-threatening liver laceration and traumatic brain injury in addition to …many soft tissue and orthopedic injuries. Kara is a single mom and business owner. 

For 17 weeks, she has not driven or worked. Instead, she is in the process of healing and rehabilitating her brain and body. She is now walking successfully and retraining her brain, body, and eyes to do many tasks we take for granted each day. 

As a single mom and entrepreneur, she provides for herself and her son, and she has been unable to work since May 16.

As I thought of her – I thought of the butterfly. How very fragile life is and how strong she is in her faith knowing that God will use this valley to make her butterfly colors even brighter.  Sometimes we don’t know why moments of trails come, but as I continue to study in my current bible study – It is how we handle those moments with grace, faith and roots that make the difference.

I was reflecting on relationships and how as two individuals we come together with different thoughts, ideas, families, etc.  It takes investment and work to be a good partner and consistently have a good relationship.  I thought about anyone can have a lover, but having a love who is my best friend makes all the difference.  

True intimacy is much more than sharing your body. Being truly intimate with someone means having someone with whom you can share your soul.

It is easy to find a lover. There are many men and women out there who want nothing more than physical intimacy and the feeling of being next to someone. They find pleasure in the first touch, the first kiss, the first night together…

However, for me, the mere act of being physically intimate with someone is not enough.  Having someone with whom I can share more than just my body. It is amazing having a partner to share my soul.

To have a best friend as a lover.

To cry my eyes out in front of him and still feel comfortable and beautiful. To have him pull me back to him in the morning and kiss me immediately after waking up. I enjoy morning breath kisses and messy hair.

Even though football is not my deal, I want to watch football with him, drinking beer and laughing so hard that our stomachs hurt. I want to just watch him and smile as he grabs my hand when he is excited.

Traveling together we learn even more about each other. I want to try exotic and delicious meals and watch the sunsets together. I want to get lost in another country with him, wandering the streets with holding hands.  I so enjoy holding hands together.

Other times I don’t want to leave our couch. I want to watch movies and just laugh. I want us to eat snacks all day and just be. Just us.

I watch him fall asleep and miss him when he is not awake. I want us to continue to take time to talk – to sit cross-legged and talk about everything and nothing at the same time.

I love the times that we just eat pizza while accidentally getting a little bit drunk.

I relish sitting on the same side of the booth because sitting across the table it’s just too much distance between us.

I like playful text throughout the day, funny texts from him that creates a smile on my face the whole day.

The blend of family has been interesting to say the least but at the end of the day – it is just the two of us that snuggle in under the covers as the rest of the world drifts away.

To laugh together, cry together, being silly with him, celebrate successes with him, and endure whatever life puts on our path together, holding hands.

 I want my lover to be my person, my oak tree to his aspen, my best friend.